.Beautiful Disaster.

I've been slacking practically the whole day today. Just bummed around the house, doing nothing much except watching 'american tv'(Oprah Winfrey, E! True Hollywood stories--on Hilton sisters btw).

I didn't have school today because according to my timetable(which i plaaned out myself!), i am officially free on odd weeks tuesdays and every week wednesdays. That probably has not sank into my parents head yet, cos this morning at around 7:45am, my Dad actually attempted to 'wake' me up by calling my hp(which was placed beside my bed in loud vol. settings) TWICE. Of course i ignored it by going back to sleep... Monday was tiring enough.I needed the rest! Plus considering that i'm having my menses this week, i need all the sleep a teenager-turning-to-woman can get. :p

So i woke up at 11:45am. Yah i'm a pig, and that explains why i'm still banging this entry in the wee hours of the night, i'm just not sleepy at all. But 2am is nothing late by any teenager's standards i believe.:)

I have loads of readings n stuff to do. Like my lit assignment due this friday(that said i did manage to browse through the whole of W.Blake book today, though i have not decided on which poem to start dissecting...) and the eng lang project i have to start thinking over. I am falling further n further behind in readings, thanks no doubt to American Studies, the module that sapped my energy n time for the entire weekend. It takes forever to read this module, am beginning to regret havin chosen it for first semester.... No doubt learning about Women's Emancipation n The Gradual Abolition of Black Slavery in USA is interesting!, but still the tonnes of readings are killing my interest...

Should have gone out today... perhaps watch a movie or sumthin. I badly wanna catch a movie one of these days...been a while since i last saw one. Also, i need to destress. In fact, it would be better if i have a facial, manicure, pedicure, spa n holiday to some beach getaway(think Trengganu) all thrown in too. Wow i seriously need a break. But i guess i'll have to wait till the december hols for all THAT.

Then again i've been feeling kinda moody lately(expected). I feel 'ugly' most of the time(no thanks to pimple problems, dry hair n chapped lips), insecure abt the way i dress(esp in school), feel too anti-social that i miss out on knowing great ppl i ought to know, feel tired n stressed, nostalgic and oh so lonely...

Sigh*I sound like i'm lamenting over the fact of not having a bf by implying that last bit. I guess i've just been single for too long, and there are times when i do not want to get out of my comfort zone, my inner box and go out there n get to know more ppl...

But that being said its just that Singaporean guys hardly turn me on. Or maybe i'm expecting way too much or i haven't met anyone right.

Maybe. I guess its also because i'm hardly given any sort of freedom. My parents 'coop' me in the house too much, and i'd like to think it has affected my nature in the sense that i've become more reserved and less sociable in some ways. Of course my parents do not prohibit me from going out if i want to, or padlock the gates if i do not reach home by a certain time limit. But they make very disagreeable faces when i mention that i'm going out, give me too little allowance to discourage me, or even preach that i go out too often... Like please?! They should compare me with my peers. I'm a 'good' daughter by international standards. I have not joined any gangs, got into any fights, experimented with drugs, experimented with sex, have too many boyfriends or gotten myself pregnant. In fact i have been really sensible, hardworking in my studies n have not gotten into any serious trouble in my whole life. So i really do not understand why my darned parents cannot see that n allow me greater freedom...It really sucks cos at my home, lights are off at 11 sometimes 10pm at night, i have to tell my parents in detail where i'm going when i go out, with whom and by wat time i'll be back home. Stuffs like this really irks me off. I guess i can go on and on talking about such injustices all night long....

That being said, here are some things i guess i'll attempt to do to cheer me up!

-- i'l try to whip up something nice to eat for breakfast tomorrow(coco milkshake with ham n cheese!)

-- try my meanest best to finish up my assignment n readings so i can free myself up for the weekends for a shopping spree n movie.

--wear skirts to sch on Thurday n Friday to feel pretty

--and try to know more friends in my tuorial classes(partly to increase my confidence too).

Yup. Those are my mini resolutions for the week. I need cheerleading practices to give me my energy boost too. ;)

--*BiAnCa*--