.Beautiful Disaster.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
abt families


Have you ever wondered how a group of people who practically share

the same gene pool
the same lifestyle
the same quirks n habits
the same ethnicity/religion
the same place/location

never seem to see eye to eye at times?

hell they practically do most things together. Yet there's the fair share of bickerings, rivalry, door slamming and tv remote fights. Inherent conflict exist between members, tense atmospheres, physical fights, cold wars, disagreements....

I'm talking about families.

The paradox of familiarity? What irony.


The first lecture of family mentions the social exchange theory. which is an interesting theory that also could be applied in the study of gender. Basically, it intepretes human actions as a result of an exchange between groups/individuals with each trying to maximise own self-interest and profit(rewards), while taking into consideration relevant costs.

Formation of certain families, say for instance, Vietnamese brides marrying Singaporean men. Its like a meat in exchange for sex theory. The Singaporean men want the bride for sex and maybe reproductive reasons. Simply and crudely put thats their inherent function. Ok to sound nicer maybe companionship, potential love, and to rescue them from rural poverty(ha like yea!). but u get the point. Meanwhile, the brides come here, to exchange themselves for nuthin more than financial security and support. Their sexual value is their meal ticket, their passport to the better life. Both parties get what they desire, they reach an agreement, and voila! everyones happy. Or so on the surface it seems.

I once said to a guy that i wasn't very attracted to the idea of a marriage. Practically speaking if we do a rational cost-benefit analysis, women are always at a losing end when it comes to tying the knot. Career disruptions, having to do a double shift, expectations as wife, as mother, as daughter in law, the physical(ha!) and emotionally draining costs of having children....The list goes on and on. Men just have it better. Heck the world is their oyster, even their urinal.

In fact there are moments i see my mom getting chided by my dad for the silliest smallest things, and i add it on to my list of top reasons-never-to-get-married. Of course i don't discount the fact that there are certain benefits a marriage brings, including emotional support/ fulfilment from watching children grow and wat nots. The sad reality is, they're never a total guarantee. How many divorces are there? How many kids rebel against their parents or do things to disappoint and shame them? Which is why i guess, for any women, the decision to marry a man boils down to whether the marriage's potential perceived benefits outweigh the potential costs, her confidence about the man and the relationship, and whether she's brave enough to take the gamble and risk. Because everything can only be estimated, nuthin in a marriage is constant, even love. A successful marriage never floats by love alone. Thats why its a huge risk, one that could make and break the worth your life's ever about.

Hell why am i talking about these things? I shall digress.

On another seperate note, i finally affirmed a doubt that has been naggin me all these years. The undeniable fact that my family runs on a totalitarian system, which never ever works! with my dad sitting on top of the very hierarchy... Its no wonder why most times my house is a conflict-ridden war zone. Conflicts occur due to inequality. Wthout a democratic familial pattern, or an egalitarian authority structure, conflict just knocks at the door, an inevitable disruptful force. Negotiations are unlikely, or never reach an optimal solution, bacause ultimately outcomes always favour the superior.

My dad always wins. Go figure.

god bless

LA FEMME

FASHION SHOW topshop 014

Name: Bianca
Age: 22

 

Holler!






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