.Beautiful Disaster.

I had a really enjoyable time today, thanks to Charz and Ginbean
Such great company, with their never ending stories to tell
I wished i could contribute tales, but sorry i have absolutely no boy luck
Which makes me so intrigued by somethin they said
"You are those kind of girls who can probably get any guy she wants"

Woah~ Since when?! My mind whirled back to all those times
In childhood, puberty and awkward teenage-hood
Where my one-sided crush was rarely reciprocated
Neither acknowledged, or pursued
I stuck out like a wiredo sore thumb in Primary school
Because every kid thought i was some foreign alien
And only one boy with bad eczema ever did claim to like me.

In Secondary, boy-attention was virtually rare too
Though i often got teased by the mats & indian hooligans (ha dunno wats their version of bengs!)
Esp. from normal tech class
And that wasn't the kind of attention any geek girl like me hankered after
So sec school was spent burrowing my head in books
Dreaming the uni dream, which i've since come to realise is not as rosy as it seemed

In JC, things turned slightly better,
And i got crushes whilst getting crushed upon (or so my friend claims?)
But i didn't allow things to happen
Mainly because i never entered any relationship
When i felt the love wasn't gonna be enough to sustain it
And my father kept me on a tight leash, so i was emotionally imprisoned.

Now that i'm in Uni, and probably in my last year,
I still dun see things in the love department taking a turn for the better.
But i'm terribly cool about it.
Call me a love skeptical, but i'm inert
And if i ever liked anyone he probably wouldn't know a thing.
Ginbean says i gotta be proactive in getting to know the guy first
Before i can hope for anythin to happen
Wise words wise friend =)

But me being me is the passive one feeling all sorts of inferiority about herself

So how la. I'm innately problematic.
That said i dun believe i'm that kinda girl who can get any guy she wants
Floored by the compliment but i really don't think so
I think most of my girlfriends are terribly eligible by any standards
And they prob get the guys they like. Or so i pray for them that they all eventually do..

But maybe i'l utter a special prayer for myself tonight
Just so i get a bit of fairy dust blessings as well, while i pray for genuine love to darlings all around me. =)