.Beautiful Disaster.

Soemtimes it feels to me, I haven't quite adjusted to being 23
I know it sounds ridiculous to have to adjust, for age is just a number
But soemtimes I can't help but think
7 years more, and i'l be friggin 30.

Now thats some scary shit.
I don't feel my age at all!
If anything I still have an inner child in me
Screaming for pampering, fatherly love and a thousand rotten ways
Or i feel like an adolescent 19 going onto 20,
Still a teenage rebel, still venturing out for experiences,
for a taste of love, for a stake at an identity.

Maybe I'm a little age-displaced.
Truth is i'm already 23, an hons student, a geek in many aspects
I haven't tasted love for sometime now (dunno if i ever will again)
And i have an identity somewhat, its still evolving..
but at times I'm still a-little-girl-lost
Wide-eyed, bleary and innocently hopeful
Wishing year after year circumstances could get better.

I was walking in the evening at Lot 1 the other day,
Saw my sec sch teacher, who once pregnant when I was in sec. 2
Now mom to 2 active kids.
Then i met a fellow classmate, very much a boy who was a social reject
Back in the ole days of classroom political humours
And he has hodling hands with his pretty lil girlfriend,
And when he said "Hi" to me
Somehow the glint in his eyes and his subtle smirk
Sliced my already deflated ego sharply into pieces

Has it been that long already?

Gosh.

So what now?

My deadline to the Things to Achieve Before 30 begins?

1)Hons Year (pending)
2)Potential husband (still searching)
3)Potential career (still clueless)
4)Potential children (depends pretty much on 2 damnit)
5)Potential financial prosperity (depends on well, God and 3)

I'm squirming discomfortly thinking about all of it.

All of the uncertainties, the pressure, the expectations.

Alas, let go and let God.

Tonight I pray hard and earnestly for Items 2-5.